You are not the product of your circumstances
By Vanessa Belleau
‘I am not the product of my circumstances. I am the product of my decisions.’ – Dr Stephen R. Covey
This quote has always struck me as a bold reminder of something we often forget: our agency. In moments of uncertainty, it’s easy to believe that the world around us dictates our outcomes. Markets shift, organisations restructure, life throws challenges our way. And yet, Covey reminds us that our circumstances do not define us fully -> our choices do.
Why this matters right now
So many of my clients come to me feeling stuck, overwhelmed or at the mercy of change. Maybe that is you, right now!
External conditions may not be within your control but how you respond always is - even though sometimes it is hard to believe. Yet, that is where your internal power lies.
Your decisions - the small ones, made every day as well as the big ones, made at turning points - shape the trajectory of your performance, your wellbeing and your life.
▪️Deciding to pause before reacting.
▪️Deciding to say NO to things that drain you.
▪️Deciding to invest in what lights you up.
These are not easy decisions yet they are deeply powerful and empowering.
Choosing agency over autopilot
When you forget your agency, you slip into autopilot. Life starts to feel like something happening to you rather than something you are actively creating. That is when stress, fatigue and disconnection creep in. Yet when you reclaim your agency, you shift from reacting to leading - leading yourself first and then others.
To be clear and remind you of what I mean by leading, here is the definition that I share with everyone: a set of positive visible behaviours that inspire, influence and guide others to achieve a mission or a set of goals.
It starts with you, your goals, your wanted impact. And these, by the way, are decisions made with agency.
2 simple practices to reclaim your power
It is all well and good for me to state the above, what matters now is that you get to practice and apply it to your life and ambitions. Below are 2 everyday tools you can use to strengthen that sense of agency and reconnect to your decisions:
📌 The daily choice check-in
At the end of each day, ask yourself: what decision did I make today that aligned with my values? Even small ones count - choosing rest, choosing to listen, choosing courage. It reinforces that you are in the driver’s seat.
More values - based examples:
>> If your value is integrity:
’I chose to be honest with my team about the challenges we are facing instead of sugar-coating it.’
>> If your value is connection:
‘I decided to call a colleague who seemed quiet in the meeting, just to check in.’
>> If your value is growth:
‘I signed up for that training course I have been putting off because learning matters to me.’
>> If your value is balance:
‘I stopped working at 6pm and went for a walk, even though I still had emails waiting.’
>> If your value is creativity:
‘I carved out 20 minutes to brainstorm ideas for a project instead of sticking only to the to-do list.’
By the way, the decision doesn’t have to be a huge for you to note it - often the smallest, intentional choices are the ones that most powerfully remind you that we are living in line with your values.
📌 The pause before saying ‘yes’
Before you agree to anything - a meeting, a task and even a social invitation - pause and ask yourself: does this connect to what matters most to me right now?
This simple pause is powerful because it interrupts autopilot. Too often, we say ‘yes’ out of habit, obligation or fear of letting others down. But every yes costs energy. If that yes isn’t aligned with your priorities, your goals or your values, it quickly becomes a drain rather than a driver.
Think of it as a filter. Every request that comes your way has to pass through:
Does this align with my goals?
Will this move me or my team forward?
Does this energise me or will it deplete me?
If the answer is yes -> brilliant, lean in fully 😁.
If the answer is no -> consider whether you can say no, delegate or renegotiate ✌️.
This micro-habit will help you avoid drifting into other people’s agendas and keeps your focus where it matters most: on the commitments and actions that will genuinely create impact for you, your team and your organisation.
A final key to consider: ‘a thoughtful no is often a gift’. It gives you back your time, it respects your energy and it ensures that when you do say yes, it’s wholehearted.
Final thoughts
Uncertainty will always be part of life. But the story you tell yourself about who you are is written in your choices, not in your circumstances. Your agency is your anchor.
So the next time everything feels up in the air, remember Covey’s words. And ask yourself: What decision do I want to make today that reflects my true power?
While I have you here, sign up to my brand new bi-monthly newsletter ‘Unfiltering’ for some more of these spicy insights: https://lnkd.in/emSXWUP2. This is a bi-monthly newsletter that gives you positive psychology, leadership & workplace culture insights, creativity, mindset reframes and more.
And in case you are wondering, ‘unfiltering’ is the process of letting go of the filters we put on ourselves to fit in. It is a space for honest reflection, creative expression and coaching insight - without the ‘shoulds’.
Thank you for reading! Check the next article if you want more tips to better yourself and your mindset 👇.
